Pruning the Prudes

Beat 1

Assa: I have a complaint to make.

Dick: Don’t tell me that you need another call girl.

Assa: Five girls will do, for now. It’s something else.

Dick: You can’t renovate your house by dipping into the city’s budget, sir.

Assa: No, it’s about the park! It’s in a horrid state!

Dick: God help us, he’s prowling the bushes again.

Assa: You can bet your ass I’m prowling! I wanted to see HOW you’ve been governing my city-

Dick: Oh I am CERTAIN that you went to the park to assess my performance.

Assa: We talked about that sarcasm, Dick.

Dick: YOU talked about it. With yourself. I think that’s the essence of our miscommunication.

Assa: Sarcasm?

Dick: NO, SIR! Will you stop spying on me like a hall monitor?

Assa: Prune the park!

Assa: Make it pristine, nice and enticing so the respectable sexual deviants will return to its bushes.

Assa: Right now, we got nothing but…

Dick: Spit it out sir.

Assa: Animal pretenders! Now prune the park!

Dick: Your wish is my command, Mister Mayor!

Beat 2

Petal: Furries have rights too!

Dick: Not related to the issue.

Petal: Can you repeat the issue?

Dick: The park looks like an Amazon rainforest. 

Petal: Rainfurrest! 

Petal: I’ll stop.

Dick: Didn’t we do this before? Pruning the park and stuff?

Petal: Yup, you’re preachin’ to the choir, Dick.

Dick: Why is it hard to keep topiaries on a rotating schedule?

Petal: You redirected all resources to other crises, and FORGOT to reassign them to park.

Petal: Nobody cares about the park! Nobody cares about me! Which brings me back to –

Dick: Don’t do it.

Petal: Furries have rights too! They also have feelings! I am the last girl on your mind.

Dick: That’s untrue. We fuck.

Petal: I am talking about city governance! Resources! 

Dick: So we gotta dress-up the park AGAIN, rinse and repeat.

Petal: Isn’t that what governing a town is all about? Rinse and repeat – same dull problems and solutions?

Dick: New factors arise sometimes. Hopefully. 

Petal: Actually, we have a new spice in this arrangement.

[pan to Kiara]

Kiara: May blessed Gaia smile upon you.

Beat 3

[Begin on the right with Petal]

Petal: I will talk to Rosa and Bianca, but in the meantime, you talk some sense into her.

[pan to Dick and Kiara]

Dick: What sort of legislative hell are we looking at?

Kiara: O-oh? I think Petal’s just overreacting. 

Dick: Well, if our park-manager is unhappy, it means that we have a problem.

Kiara: She is more frustrated than unhappy – not enough meat rubbing against her feral clitoris.

Dick: That’s one way of putting it. Her fur is all prickly.

Kiara: A different kind of clientele is frequenting the park  now that it’s overgrown.

Dick: What kind of “different clientele?” The Mayor mentioned animal pretenders, which are furries – the park regulars.

Kiara: Oh, he didn’t refer to furries. It’s nudists. 

Kiara: They find it convenient to frolic around now that the park is concealed with bushery. 

Dick: I bet that’s your doing or, pardon me, lobbying.

Kiara: Some of them are very well-off, mister Richard!

Kiara: In fact, they are moving into the neighborhood en masse.

Dick: Just because of the park? 

Dick: But nudists can only buy new houses if park-peepers are selling their homes.

Dick: Oh my god, that’s why the city coffers are getting bigger.

Kiara: So if you prune the park now…

Dick: We might discourage the rich nudists from pouring in.

Beat 4

[Dick and Kiara – left. Assa – right.]

Assa: That’s quite something, you little nudist nubbin’!

Kiara: Nubbin’? S-sir, I don’t want to sound insolent-

Dick: We talked about this, sir. Every girl has a name.

Assa: My apologies, Kiara, sometimes I forget myself. 

Assa: It’s just- the reason that I called you a nubbin is… you know… because you are hot as fuck.

Kiara: Mmm…

Dick: Sir, you should keep such thoughts to yourself.

Assa: It’s so confounding. Just yesterday you said that honesty is the best policy.

Dick: Not when you’re a walking lawsuit. 

Assa: So you expect me to pick and choose what to say?

Dick: It’s EXACTLY what I expect of every deviant boomer that’s in perpetual heat since 1968.

Assa: So it’s nudism in a bushy park that attracts new money? And I wondered!

Dick: You knew about the big changes in the neighborhood?

Assa: Of course! I’m the mayor, it’s my job to know what sort of cash pours into my city.

Dick: You could have shared it with me, sir!

Assa: Unimportant!

Dick: I love how you pick and choose what you share, but what you SAY is a point of confusion.

Assa: We need to focus on retaining the best of both worlds! Prune the park for the peepers and night stalkers and…

Dick: Spit it out sir.

Assa: Animal pretenders.


Assa: Alright, alright – furries. BUT we also have to ensure that nudists stay interested. 

Assa: Especially the ones that are loaded.

Kiara: I can totally vibe with that. We just gotta bring Petal on board, mister Dick.

Beat 5

Dick: I have a problem seeing why this isn’t straightforward.

Petal: I just think it’s a bad idea.

Kiara: Miss Petal, I want to make this work for all-

Petal: -of us? Is every sentence that comes out of you a predictable waste of time, Kiara?

Dick: Whoa, whoa, Petal. You ARE her boss – ease up.

Kiara: My suggestion is to keep the shrubbery just half a foot taller and wider than usual.

Dick: Hm, Kiara, are you sure that’s enough?

Kiara: Trust me, I’ve measured it out-

Petal: I bet you did.

Kiara: It’s just right. It will keep both nudists and peepers interested.

Dick: Not to mention furries, right Kiara?

Kiara: Right! We’re essentially pruning away the prudes. 

Petal: Put that on your bumper sticker.

Dick: I think it’s an amazing idea, Kiara. Now if you’ll please leave me with Petal for a minute. I gotta talk to her.

Beat 6

Dick: I literally do not see a problem. Only opportunity.

Petal: I bet you do. The girl comes in, titties flopping, and suddenly she makes broad business decisions.

Dick: So THAT is the issue! 

Petal: I am not a child, Dick, it’s a matter of diligence.

Dick: You are overthinking it in order to mask the simple fact that you are afraid of Kiara’s initiative.

Petal: Please! She stumbled into it.

Dick: You have to get over it Petal. Changes are inescapable.

Petal: It’s easy for you to say. You are not sexually marginalized, you’ll always be relevant.

Dick: Don’t throw that at me! Haven’t I been nothing but inclusive?! Towards you?

Petal: …

Dick: I know what this is about.

Dick: You just want to have sex with me.

Petal: Don’t be ridiculous, Dick. This is serious.

Petal: Besides, I never JUST want to have sex with you.

Beat 7

Assa: So is this gonna be a new order of things, Dicky?

Dick: Sir, please-

Assa: You decided to do something directly against my orders.

Dick: You won’t even notice the difference. I just need your signature here.

Assa: I do notice, Richard.

Dick: Here we go with Richarding. Just sign the permit. The park will look just a tad bushier.

Assa: It’s mostly clientele that worries me.

Dick: Look at the city’s growing budget sir.

Assa: I- I- I just want to be heard, Dick.

Dick: It appears it’s my fate to deal with grown children today.

Dick: Sign the permit.

Beat 8

Kiara: Dick, sir! I wanna thank you for the opportunity to contribute to your enterprise.

Dick: Relax, Kiara. You don’t have to impress me – I already find you very… enticing.

Kiara: Oh I think I know why you say that, sir.

Dick: I bet you do.

Kiara: It’s because of my willingness to compromise.

Dick: Wh- y- yeah. Did you smooth things over with Petal?

Kiara: Yes we did. We sure made it all smooth and slippery.

Dick: Gimme details.

Kiara: I don’t think it’s appropriate.

Dick: We are alone. C’mon, you can tell Dick anything. 

Kiara: Well, we kinda talked, Petal was flustered a bit.

Dick: And we know what happens when Petal gets all rosy-cheeky.

Kiara: We were sitting on a park bench while we talked.

Kiara: I managed to gain her trust little by little-

Dick: As your hand moved up her thigh? 

Kiara: Well no. Her hand moved up mine. She agreed that I should bring more ideas to the table, but made me swear-

Dick: Made you swear what?

Kiara: To yield to her will like a beta to her alpha bitch, while she gently rubbed my clit.

Dick: And you conceded?

Kiara: Of course, she rubbed me so good I almost squealed.

Kiara: She made me orgasm on that bench without touching any other part of me.

Kiara: Anyone who can do that can be my alpha.

Dick: Oh Kiara…

[pan to right – Assa]

Assa: Um… I’m still waiting to sign that permit.

[pan back to Dick and Kiara]

Dick: Sir. How long have you been there?

Assa [off-screen]: I literally haven’t left.

Kiara: Oh my! Oh no!

Dick: Well, fuck. Trust me Kiara, it could have been worse.

Kiara: How?

Dick: He could have been here in person.

Kiara: Touché.

Beat 9

Petal: You wanted to see me again, Dick?

Dick: A little birdie told me that you marked the territory. HER territory, to be specific.

Petal: Kiara’s? You know that I get territorial when frustration makes me rosy-cheeky.

Dick: I could even say that you took initiative, in a way. Just like Kiara.

Petal: We both know that you didn’t call me here to point out ironies.

Dick: I called you because I get territorial as well.

Petal: Only if you’ll follow me into the park. I wanna suck you dry like a starving animal.

Dick: No. I’m gonna give it to you right here.

Petal: This is not exactly my mise-en-scène. I’m in heat, don’t spoil it now-

Dick: Spoil it? You made my day needlessly difficult.

Dick: I’m gonna bend you over and fuck you doggy-style, and mark MY territory.

Petal: You had me at “doggy.” 

Dick: Do you know HOW I’ll mark you?

Petal: Please, tell me!

Dick: By cumming inside your feral pussy. 

Petal: Rawr!


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